When raising a child, various problems and worries come up, and sometimes I'm at a loss as to "how to deal with it." It would be nice if there was a school for raising children, but in most cases, I would repeat the parenting style in the family where I grew up.
However, knowing and practicing an ideal child-rearing style raises the possibility that the child will raise his or her awareness and become independent. Diana Baumlind, a developmental psychologist, divides the role of parents into two main categories: 1) rule setting to enhance sociality, 2) emotional support for emotional development, and the following 4 types depending on their degree. I have categorized. Which type do you apply to?
First, in the strict (Authoritarian) type, after setting the rules, the child is obeyed without saying whether or not to control the child by using the candy and whip properly. This is the type that says "Listen to what you say" without trying to think about your child's feelings. If you don't listen to what your child says, you'll try to force it.
Although it overlaps with the image of a Japanese father a long time ago or the recent Tiger Mother, children raised by these parents lack emotional maturity and independence, so even if they are polite and perform well, they are deep in the heart. Then you will grow up to be a person who is not confident and has a strong sense of anxiety. They may unconsciously listen to people's complexions and try to meet their expectations, or they may become arrogant, dominant people or rebellious people who cannot understand their feelings.
On the contrary, the Permissive type gives the child's feelings priority over the observance of the rules, and easily responds to the child's demands. They are more like friends than parents and children, and can't take a resolute attitude toward problematic behavior. This type of parents says, "I'm still a child," and "You don't have to do it if you don't want to." You can't set a limit to avoid conflict with your child.
Children can be forgiven if they knead, so they gradually become dominant in trying to get their parents to do what they want. I give priority to what I want to do, ignore the rules of the school, and lack the tenacity to finish things to the end, so I do not give grades. In the future, you will be more impulsive, more tempting, more self-centered and more likely to have trouble with your relationships.
The ideal parenting style between the above two types is the authoritative type. Respect children's feelings, explain the necessity of the rules properly, and guide them to make voluntary decisions. Parents of this type listen to the question "What do you think about this? How do you feel about it?"
By accepting the feelings of the child and setting a limit at the same time, the child will grow up in a stable framework, and the normative awareness and independence will grow. In the future, we will grow up to be a spiritually mature person who has a high self-esteem and is able to think and act by himself while respecting the ideas of others.
Finally, the Neglectful type is a parent who literally has no interest in the child, no rules, no affection, and only food, food, and shelter. This type also tends to mean that you do not have general knowledge about childcare, you are busy working and do not spend much time with your children, and you cannot afford to think about your feelings due to stress. This is the type of person who says, "I don't know what my child is doing." Children raised by these parents have a very low self-esteem and are more likely to run delinquent because of loneliness and to have mental disorders such as depression.
In some households, one type is strict and the other type is compliant, and different types can create conflict between a couple and their parents. In some cases, a person who has been raised to a strict type becomes the opposite type. In addition, children with a restraining temperament, which is more likely to feel anxiety, are more likely to be affected by their parenting style. What type were you? If you think you are a strict type, ask the feelings of your children. If you are a greedy type, why not start by reviewing the rules with your children?